Whenever you're finished pretending to care about the death of another career politician, and you've had your fill of talking heads parroting all that sanctimonious bullshit, a few points of fact:

• Edward Kennedy was expelled from Harvard for cheating. Then they let him back in.
• Edward Kennedy left a woman drowning in an overturned car. A car that he overturned. He was convicted of "leaving the scene" but got a suspended sentence and returned to his Senate job.
• Edward Kennedy took part in the demonizing of Timothy Leary (despite Leary's warning against the uncontrolled consumption of LSD) while simultaneously being a notorious drunk.

I don't doubt he was friendly and fun to yacht with. But forgive me if I can't work up a tear for another fortunate son whose greatest success - it seems to me - was not getting shot. Or perhaps not getting shot was a mark of his failure to have a truly original political vision. He "championed the poor." So what? Every politician champions the poor. How are the poor doing these days?

Dear Woodstock Generation:

Please shut up now. You've had your anniversary, you've had your decades of documentaries, and just in case you're excited about the new Woodstock-inspired movie starring Dmitri Martin, it will probably tank. Why? Because no one gives a shit.

Your generation isn't watching a show anymore, you're running it, and not very well. It must be hard waxing nostalgic in front of the camera about your revolutionary ideals now that you and your friends hold public office or run financial institutions or insurance firms or the American car companies, eh? And...ah screw it...this guy already nailed it.

Score!

The never-opened, never-played, pristine, pure as the driven snow original vinyl from 1988. Cost to me: $10.

Make The Music go Bang

If you're too young to have ever owned a proper stereo system with a turntable and a vinyl collection, or you're my age and have - over the years - slowly swallowed the Kool-Aid made of 1's and 0's and traded in your collection, you're missing out on one of the great pleasures.

My brother bought me my first iPod for Xmas this past year, and I like it. I do. I can't take my stereo to the gym or play vinyl records in my car. And while my iPod Nano is only the 8GB model, I've put a couple dozen of my favorite albums on it, and it's about 1% full. I'll probably end up leaving a few gigabytes in my will.

The best way to enjoy music is, of course, live. But the second best is good old-fashioned vinyl. Why?...

1. It sounds better. I won't belabor this point, and I'm not enough of an audio-nerd to compare analog to digital in any technical detail. But here's an experiment you can try for yourself: Get one copy of The Who's Quadrophenia on CD and one on vinyl. Listen to the CD version of track 2, The Real Me, a few times. Let it sink in. Dig it. Sounds pretty good, right? Now take the vinyl to your grandma's house. See that blocky looking thing in the corner of the living room that looks like a coffee table that's too tall? That's the stereo console they bought in the 60's. Look at the back of it. Are there little glass bulbs all over it? Yes? You're in luck! Those are called "tubes." Fire it up and drop side one on there and cue up track 2. Crank the volume, stand back a few feet, and prepare to be impressed.

2. The art is better. I have yet to see a CD package - no matter how well done, no matter how "eco-friendly," no matter how many panels it folds out into - that is as visually satisfying as good album art. I don't care if the sleeve is made of hand-woven hemp fiber and inked in virgin's blood. It's just not as fun to look at because it's too small. Go through a pile of records from the 50's or 60's. There are entire essays, entire histories, on the backs of them. Even when a CD comes with a multi-page booklet, it looks and feels no different than the instructions that came with your microwave.

3. Vinyl lasts longer. Remember those commercials from the 80's where a guy holds up a CD to the camera then pours ketchup and mustard all over it, stabs it with a knife, then just rinses it off, and it still plays? If so, you're old enough to have discovered - probably more than once - that that is horse shit. A small scratch on a vinyl record is a minor nuisance, and with decent care can be dealt with or avoided altogether. Get a small scratch or stain on a CD, however, and it's JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING-JING... like the worst techno tune ever. I've had to toss entire CD's because of that. Hell, I have cassettes over 20 years old that still work.

4. Vinyl often costs less. With the exception of rare or limited issues, you can find almost anything in a box in the back room of a CD shop, at an auction, or in someone's garage for a dollar. And most music labels still print vinyl versions of new releases. Yeah, but I can't play it in the car! No problem - for less than a hundred bucks you can buy a brand new turntable with a USB port and, while you have to do it in real time, drag records onto your computer and onto your iPod. You're going to do that anyway, so why not buy the vinyl with the cool art?

5. Vinyl is more interactive/social. There are only a few places you can hear vinyl records: a bar with a real jukebox, your house, or someone else's house. There was a time not all that long ago when an entire party would happen just because one guy had gotten a new record. Not anymore. With downloading, file-sharing, ripping, burning, and pirating, everything is available to everyone at all times. That's great in theory, but it takes the fun out of collecting and, in my opinion, cheapens music generally.

There, I've made my case. It's just an opinion, and you're free to disagree with me (but you'd be wrong).

Damn You, Comedy! [shakes fist]

Well, my plans to step foot for the first time ever in the great states of Iowa and Minnesota are postponed for reasons too dull to relate. Comedy reasons - we'll leave it at that. The good news is that they aren't postponed for too long. Hopefully. Details soon. The other good news is that I confirmed Pat Godwin for September 10th in Terre Haute, IN and September 12th here in Charleston, IL. I should be opening for him at both shows, but the 12th for sure. There are other things in the works I don't want to jinx. God bless the day job.