Who Cares?

The fact that anyone is wasting time discussing David Letterman's liaisons with staffers just shows - once again - how immature and puritanical American culture is when it comes to sex. Wait, Letterman has a penis? No way!

The only reason this non-story happened at all is that some idiot tried to extort him, and Letterman himself got in front of his own press and fessed up. Otherwise we never would have known about these affairs. Why? Because it's no one's fuckin' business but Letterman's, his wife's, and Stephanie Birkitt's. It's worth noting that Birkitt not only still works for the show but also never once filed any sort of complaint against Letterman, Holderman, CBS, or anyone else. For all appearances, the affair was between two consenting adults. Also, Letterman is neither a priest nor a politician reciting the "family values" mantra (which would explain his preference for adult females), and the only person he owes anything to is his wife. Or are there people who really look to late night TV personalities for their moral compass?

A bit of comedy history: Milton Berle was long reported to have the biggest penis in show business. Why? Because he showed it to a few people when he wasn't telling jokes. Get over it.

Jane Shure, however, feels that Letterman is deserving of ridicule in a public forum, perhaps even punishment, for his "abuse of power," his "hypocrisy," and the horrible state of gender relations in America that causes young women to be easily "victimized" by older, more powerful men. Nowhere in this cliched psycho-babble is the idea that maybe, just maybe, Birkitt liked the guy. Letterman has been on television for nearly 30 years. If he were a career victimizer of his employees, I think we would have found that out by now.

And here's the awful truth of the matter: there are women in the world who prefer men who are older than they are. And there are women who like men with some level of success. Is it the money? Sometimes. But more often it's what the money and authority and success represent: talent, confidence, intelligence, ability, a work ethic perhaps. Sorry, but not every 20-something female in America wants to do an Eminem wanna-be with a Ford Taurus and a cocked baseball cap.

This is awful, of course, only for the Jane Shures of the world, who feel that as long as there's any gender inequality in any segment of society (which is a thing worth rectifying) that any workplace relationship is somehow a form of rape. To them I say, go get laid.