That All You Got?

Friday night I popped in to one of the local swill-shacks to see J. Boozer, a one-man army of musical aggravation who bills himself as "the world's drunkest band." Right on. In order to ensure a turn-out and sell a few beers, the manager booked a local frat guy who has a following of 40 or so other fratties and...wait, what's the short form of "sorority girl?" Sorries? Frat guy has two original songs and a long list of predictable covers. Of course his fratty and sorry friends cheer his barely competent versions of everything, and when Boozer hits the stage they stare or wander off to play with their cell phones. I'm not saying Boozer is the best act I've ever seen, but what is the appeal of watching some milk-toast dude do uninspired songs that can be heard on the radio all day every day? When I step onto a comedy stage, I don't have the option of doing cover jokes. In the funny business that's called stealing and will get you fired and/or punched in the throat.

Good evening folks. Hickory dickory dock, git'er done, and now watch as I smash this watermelon...

I have no problem with bands doing covers. Echo & The Bunnymen do the best version of "Paint it Black" I've ever heard. But they made it theirs. Hayseed Dixie does bluegrass versions of classic rock tunes that are a scream. But if your whole show is doing other people's music exactly as written, sorry, but you have no business being on stage, much less getting paid. There's already a TouchTunes on the wall. If I want to hear "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon for the 37th time this week, I'll pay a dollar, hear the original version, then blow my brains out.