DAN TESSITORE

So I'm sitting at the bar at Mac's Uptowner here in Charleston. It's near closing, and it's rare that I'm even there that late because I have shit to do (like stalk people on Classmates.com), but I'm with friends and having a good time, so I hang. On top of that, I'm being talked at by a drunk woman who's 21 and 4 days old and hot. Not HOTT hot, but Amish-girl who-snuck-out-of-the-house hot.

Numsayin'?

Then out of nowhere, over her shoulder, I see a white trash wigger piece of shit crack another white trash wigger piece of shit over the head with an MGD Light. Then there's four wiggers brawling, then nine. Then there's an actual black dude (represent!) and a couple white non-wiggers in the fray. Then there's Turk, the 6'5" 300 lb. bouncer from Turkey. Turk not only separates all the white trash piece of shit wiggers but chases the bottle-wielding white trash piece of shit wigger down the street before coming back to mop up. I'm not sure why, exactly, but a Middle-Eastern guy in Charleston, Illinois fucking up out-of-line wiggers is beautiful.

What's not beautiful is white trash wigger pieces of shit fucking up everybody else's good time just because it's Friday and their source got busted on a domestic violence call before the batch was done.