May 11, 2009

Heroes, pt. 7: Michael Phelps

Wow, this guy does it all - wins Olympic gold, smokes Puerto Rican Gold, and bangs bottle blonds who think Condoleeza Rice is a Mexican dish and blame Satan for their stupidity, like Miss USA Carrie Prejean here.

Focus on the Family busted a nut over Prejean when she pandered to conservatives by saying she believed only heterosexuals should have the right to make each other miserable for life. Hardcore Christians love any celebrity who endorses their views, especially when the celebrity looks like a hardcore porn star.

You know what I like most about Phelps, though? Those coke-dealer shades. Righteous.

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