Dear Girls Next Door:

A few months ago the news was that you were leaving. Then that you had packed your bags. Now the news is you're gone. But you're not gone. You're on TV, all over the internet, and in the recent issue of Playboy (again).

Move already.

It's not personal, of course. We've never met. We've never had movie night together or baby-oil-slathered group sex followed by a round of warm milks and a bedtime story. But you've done your part for the Playboy Empire.

I'm sure Hef will always remember your relationship(s) as a very special one(s), filled with love, friendship, and respect. I'm also sure he understands that everyone, at some point, has to move on in order to grow - professionally, personally, spiritually. Best of luck to each of you, and don't let the revolving door hit your asses on the way out.